he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
