Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so let's talk penis.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
