Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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