Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
