i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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