TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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