We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
