Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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