Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come share oat with me in your robe
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
