I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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