he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
