so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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