After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
