it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
