i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
