96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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