My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
