Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
