Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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