We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
