So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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