halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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