I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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