I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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