I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
