i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
