Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize