Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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