My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You made out with two different species that night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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