my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
