Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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