Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
