i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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