meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Is it because I queefed?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
