And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
