my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
