you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
