He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
