I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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