she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The uberlube is also flammable
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
