I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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