smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
