There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
