Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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