thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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