I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
