the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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