I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize