I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
