There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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