Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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