she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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