Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
