You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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