then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
