he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
