Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
