He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
