smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
