I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
