So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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