Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize